Reminiscing the Love
by zaracatilina
Summary: Matt is remininsching the memories that he and Tai shared...as how to they met, they're first fight...R/R...and Enjoy ( i suck at summaries...)


Hey, everyone. . .This is a Taito, most likely. It is sad though. I was sad and august and depressed when I wrote this on and off. I hope you enjoy though!

Disclaimer: Don't own digimon nor the characters. . .just the ideas in my head.

Please be kind, review at the end ^_^ thanks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Have you ever met someone that you knew you'd always love? That you knew that they just had to be in your life, apart of it somehow? 

Like the first time you've ever met them, you knew that they were the one? You knew that no matter what, thick or thin, big or small, that they'd always be here for you, no matter what?

Like they were your soul mate?

That's how it was with Tai.

He was everything to me. Everything in my life.

__

Everything.

I knew from the first moment, the first _second_ after that I met him. . .that he was mine. Not mine as in lets-be-possessive, but mine as in we were meant to be together mind.

I knew that after looking into the brown orbs of his eyes, that I loved him deeply. I loved him so, that it hurt. It was so strong, so persistent.

It was so strong, so . . .so _there_, that it was _scary._

I've never loved someone so much in my life, not in the way that I was with Tai.

It was as if Cupid struck me with an arrow and the arrow hit me pretty hard. Tai just happened to be the person that I fell for so, after just _seconds_ of meeting him.

And the weird thing was, I never fell for anyone so hard. It would take me months to fall for someone, after getting to know them. Not like after meeting them, or seeing them on the street, did I fall for them. It was not a random thing for me to do.

So why was Tai so different? Why did I fall for him so? Why did he cause my heart to ache at the very sight of him, wanting him, needing him?

And. . .why me?

Why did I fall for him? 

Because I loved him.

Because we were meant to be.

Once we met, we were inseparable. We were always there for one another and I would make it to his soccer games and he to my concerts. He and I, there was such a strong bond between us, that we began to understand how one another felt just by the expressions we held in our eyes and faces.

I remember meeting him. . .for the first time. And falling in love with an angel. . .It was about ten years ago, when we were both the age of eighteen and were considered as adults. We were entering the college life and were heading into the real world, for the first time being on our own.

****

~*10 years earlier*~

It was the third day of college life, and I was heading back to my dorm, after my class, when it started to rain. I groaned, forgetting my jacket and my umbrella. . . I didn't think it was going to rain that day. I was only sporting a black tee shirt and black jeans.

I liked black, it suited me.

Or at least my moods. I was always down and depressed or some nonsense like that.

But nonetheless, it rained. I thought maybe I could make it to my dorm before it down poured, because at the moment it was only sprinkling. 

Yet the luck didn't hold out for me. It decided to downpour on me, and I had to rush into the nearest bus stop to wait until the rain passed.

I blinked and shook my hair out of my face, shivering. I set my backpack down and sat on the bench, wondering how long I would have to wait when I noticed that there was another person in the bus stop.

I looked over and saw the most beautiful person I've seen sitting on the other end of the bus stop bench, his brown eyes sparkling and full of life, that I fell in love with him. I took a sharp breath and stared at him, his lean body just resting easily on the bench, and his soccer bag next to his feet. 

He saw me staring and his eyes lit up even more. Like he had been waiting for someone to show up so he could talk to them.

Or something.

"Hello!" He said brightly, smiling. He held out a hand. "I'm Tai! How're you?" He asked, watching me.

I stared at the hand, then at him, then back at his hand. Finally I reached forward and took it, shaking it. "I'm Matt." I answered. I then waved a hand at the rain. "And I'm angry cuz I'm stuck in the rain, and I was a dumbass who forgot their jacket and umbrella."

He nodded, his wild, spiky mop of brown hair flopping. I smiled despite myself. It was a cute thing to see, and my heart started to beat. I was falling for him, and I did not even know the boy!

"I take it you saw the weather report, huh?" He replied, scooting closer to me, so he was only inches from me.

"Yeah," I nodded my head and sighed miserably. "You think if I saw it, I'd be prepared, but I thought maybe I could get to my dorm before it hit." I told him.

"So did I." He replied. He glanced at me, tilting his head. "So, what're you majoring in?"

I blinked. "Well. . .Maybe writing. I'm not sure. Or something in the music business." I answered thoughtfully. "I write my own lyrics and play in a band." 

"Really?" Tai asked excitedly. "What's your band called?"

"Teenage Wolves."

"You're kidding right?" 

I shook my head. "Nope, dead serious. I'm the lead guitarist and singer." I said, gently laughing at his eager excitement.

"Wow, you guys are _so_ great!" He enthused. "You'll be famous one day, just watch and see, Matt."

I smiled. "Thanks. If we do, I'll send you an autographed CD and some free concert tickets." I told him.

"Cool!" He replied, grinning. The he gave me a shy smile. "You are talented, Matt. You have such a wonderful voice. I heard you guys play at the registration day."

I blushed. "Thanks. We had to beg in order for them to let us play." I informed him. "Took some time, and effort, but in the end it all paid off."

"It sure did." He agreed with me.

I glanced out the bus stop shelter and saw that the rain was letting up. I was part relieved because now I could go home and get some warm, dry clothes on. But . . .yet, part of me wanted to stay forever in the bus stop with Tai and spend hours talking to him.

"It looks . . .like its letting up," He said, as if he was reading my mind. He sounded disappointed. 

Disappointed? For what though?

"Yeah," I said, standing up, and grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulders. "I should go and get dried off, and do my work."

He nodded, and stood up as well. He looked at me. "Say, could I have your number? I enjoyed talking to you and I wouldn't hanging out with you. You're the only nice person I've met so far. . ." He said, slowly.

I smiled. "Thought you'd never ask, Tai." I told him. "Sure, here let me find my pen and notebook so I could--"

There was a pen and a little notebook in front of my face before I could finish the sentence. I chuckled and wrote down my number. 

"Later, Tai. Call me anytime!" I called to him over my shoulder, as I headed out and my heart was beating and I knew that I loved him.

How could you not love him? He was perfect in any way possible, or at least in my eyes. I loved him so, that it made me hurt. I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. Well, it didn't matter, friendship was good enough for me.

****

~*Present*~

That was ten years ago. . .yet it felt like it was only yesterday. The memories . . .I'll never forget those. I cherish every memory, every single waking moment that we shared together in my heart and mind. He was my love, he was my better half, my life.

He knew me inside and out, and I knew him inside and out. Sometimes we knew each other so well, that it was scary. There would times when I would come home and just know what was wrong or upsetting him. 

I would _just know._

I would just wait for him to talk to me, for I was never the one to push the buttons and nag for him to tell me what was wrong. He told when he was ready. And I knew I was the same way. Only for me. . .it took longer for me to open and tell what was bothering me.

He knew that though and he had never pushed me. 

Yet, I remember the one horrible fight we had. I thought I had lost him. 

The fight was stupid, and the words that were exchanged were harsh and cold, and some what had hatred laced in them. I knew I had hurt him, and he knew he had hurt me. We never meant to hurt each other but it happened. 

I could remember that like it was yesterday. . .

****

~*The Fight*~

We were invited to a party. A big on campus college party and we were _both_ invited. We decided to go, seeing how there would not be any harm to go and have a little fun after our vigorous study periods. 

But we didn't know that there was going to be alcohol. We were still underage. . .we were only nineteen at the time. Yet I went for the drinks, and he hesitated. I told him that nothing could go wrong with one drink. He agreed and we had a beer or so.

I didn't expect to get out of control. . .I didn't expect to drink a little too much. Tai did as well, drink too much that is. That caused our fight in the end. We were too drunk to comprehend anything. 

We were basically pretty much wasted.

The police ended up crashing the party; luckily Tai and I were the few that got away without being caught. That wouldn't have been good, though, seeing how we were both underage. 

We both went to his place, and I collapsed on the couch and closed my eyes, suddenly very tired and very dizzy and nauseated. I groaned and rolled to my side; only to fall off the couch.

"Matt. . ." Tai mumbled, pulling me up. "Get up, we need to not do that anymore."

"Tai," I replied, slurring my words, "we've never done that before, so how can we do it again?"

"What, are you saying you want to go and drink and get drunk again?" He asked, anger seeping into his voice and I could tell he wasn't as wasted as I was.

"Sure, why not?" I muttered bitterly. "Helps you forget your problems!"

"What the hell is your deal?" Tai shouted. 

I pulled away from him. "What's my deal? Hell, what's your deal?" I snapped back. "You need to lighten up some, and have some fun! Life doesn't have to be all serious and shit, you know!"

Hurt flickered across his face. I had hurt his feelings but at the time I didn't really care. I was not thinking and at the time, the beer that was still in me, wasn't helping either. It seemed to add fuel to my anger. And made my emotions run high.

"What did I ever see in you, Matt?" Tai finally replied. "You're just like every other person I've met out there. You're just another face in the crowd, not caring not wanting. Saying empty promises. And words."

That hurt, that really hurt. But I didn't let it show. I stumbled towards the door and grabbed the knob. 

"Fine, I don't need you!" I all but shouted, my heart aching, because I was lying. I really did need him. But at the time, I couldn't stop the words from escaping my voice. "You were a lousy friend anyways!"

I yanked the door open and half stumbled, half ran down the hall and out of the building, not caring where I was running off to. I found myself going to the park, and I collapsed onto a bench, sobbing.

I didn't want our friendship to end, he was so special to me. Why did I go and be like that, shouting words that I never meant? 

I pulled my knees up and buried my head in my arms, sobbing, wishing I could turn back time to take those words back. To never have gone to the party and to get drunk. 

What was I _thinking_?

"Matt?" Came a soft voice.

I recognized it and my head jerked up. I saw Tai standing uncertainly in front of me, concern in his eyes.

"Go away, Tai, you don't want me to be your friend," I whispered bitterly. "Remember I'm just like everyone else."

Tai sat down next to me, and placed his arm around my shoulder. "I didn't mean to say that, Matt, honestly, I didn't." He told me softly. "You mean so much to me."

I looked up and we locked eyes. He was telling the truth, I could tell in his eyes.

I bit my lip, surprised and shocked. Then, risking it, I asked, timidly, "How much do I mean to you, Tai?"

He leaned his forehead against mine, our eyes still locked together. "Very much, Matt. I love you a lot. . .more than just a friend."

"I. . .I . . .I. . ." I stuttered, shocked. He was telling me what I've always wanted to hear, what I've dreamt of. I could feel myself blush. "Do you really mean that?" I whispered.

"I do." He answered firmly. Then he leaned forward and placed his lips upon me, and giving me the most sweetest, gentlest kiss I've ever received. 

"I love you, Tai," I whispered as we pulled apart. Then I just rested my head on his shoulder, letting him hold me, as we both gazed up into the night sky, at the twinkling stars.

****

~*Present*~

Okay, maybe I did not lose him. . .But I thought I almost did. But that fight also brought us closer, to something that I've always had dreamt of. That was the last of our serious fights--sure we had fights from time to time, but none like that. So the worst fight we ever had. . .we almost lost each other, but in the end, it only brought us together.

Funny how Fate can do that, huh?

Well, whatever the case may be, I was just glad to have him. Like I said, he was everything to me. We were like yin-yang. . .He was the Yin and I was the Yang. We were close as anyone could be and it made us stronger.

Kind of like glue. . .we stuck together like glue. 

I think I should stop with the analogies, huh? I'm sure that you get the idea.

But I loved him. Very much. Very deeply. He was my light, my strength. . .

Now that he's gone. . .I'm not so sure I can go on. He was what made me live. . .I don't know why I'm still living now.

As I sit here on this park bench, I contemplate on the brief aspect of life that we shared together. Only ten years. Some say that is a long time. Others say it's just the beginning. I say it was neither; time was irrelevant to me and Tai. As long as we were together, I was happy.

But. . .something happened. And he died. Hence why I am sitting here on this park bench, _alone._ I would not be alone if Tai were alive. He'd be sitting with me and we'd be staring up into the starry sky and enjoying the peace and quiet.

I remember getting the call from the Sheriff. I remember not being unable to sleep because of an unsettling feeling that kept me awake. I remember being told by the Sheriff that my boyfriend was dead, I remember the tears. . .

****

~*The Accident/Robbery*~

Tai was working part time at a gas station. He was waiting for the company in which he went for an interview for, to call him back. It was a guarantee job, we knew, but they had to give their selves time to get everything settled.

Or something like that.

Tai usually worked the grave yard shifts; I did not like that at all. I was alone in our bed, wishing he was with me. But deep down, I was afraid. Of what, I would often ask myself. Him being robbed and me being here safe and sound.

He being hurt somehow. Me being here safe and sound.

The thoughts never left me; I never told him about my fear. Why make him worry as well? It was my job to worry. But nonetheless, I just had a bad feeling that one night. It was so strong, so deep, that my stomach was in knots. 

I had asked him not to go to work.

I begged him. 

But he just gave me this look, and a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back in the morning, Matt, don't you worry." He said quietly. He gave me a quick reassuring hug and left.

Yet the feeling persisted. It would just not go away. And I wanted it to go away. I hated having bad feelings.

I went to bed, hoping that nothing would happen. I crawled under the blankets, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping sleep would come, and that the uneasy feelings that I had would go away.

Well, sleep came. Dreamless sleep, that was not comfortable, but slightly uneasy. Slightly disturbing. . .

I jerked awake as I heard the phone rang. I groaned, as I turned to my nightstand to see that the time read 5:56 AM. I blinked wondering who would be calling at this time of the morning. 

That was when the cold feeling hit me.

It was about Tai.

I picked up the phone, my hand trembling, and answered with a hoarse, shaky voice, "Hello, Matt Ishida speaking."

"Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Ishida, but this is Sheriff Derek Johnson. I know its early, but I must speak to you." Came a tired, yet firm voice.

My heart stopped beating. "It's okay, I was awake anyways. . ." I said, lamely. "Sheriff, what is this about?"

"You know a Tai Kamiya?"

"Yes, he. . .he's my boyfriend." I answered, biting my lip, the feeling growing stronger.

An intake of breath from the Sheriff. Then his next words stopped my world, everything seemed to stop in time, as he said, his voice sorrowful, "I'm very sorry, Mr. Ishida, to report that while at his job at the gas station he was robbed. He tried to stop them, only to have his life taken away from him."

I dropped the phone, dizzy and tears blurring my vision. I stumbled out of bed and ran into the bathroom only to vomit. He couldn't be dead, he _couldn't_. Not Tai, not my lovely, beautiful Tai.

I shook my head, knowing that it was true. That feeling. . .It was so strong. I struggled not to sob as I picked up the phone again, and said, shakily, "Sheriff?"

"I'm still here, Mr. Ishida." Came the reply. "We need you to come down and identify the body. . .If you can't handle it, you can always have someone else come ---"

"No," I interrupted. "I will come down and identify the body. . .Just tell me where and I'll go. . .I have to." I said softly.

"I understand. . ."the Sheriff said his voice just as soft, and maybe a little understanding. He told me and I quickly wrote down the address and told him I was going to be there in fifteen minutes.

I knew that the Sheriff knew where I lived and that I wasn't even fifteen minutes away. I could get there in five minutes. But I wanted to do something first. I sat at my bed, staring at the clock and wondered how I was going to survive without him.

I grabbed a pillow and hugged it, holding onto it, trying to supress the emotions and tears that were threatening to break through. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't hold it in much longer. I broke down and sobbed into my pillow, wishing to God that it was me that was dead and not my precious Tai.

That was why I told him I'd be there in fifteen minutes. 

I had to cry first.

****

~*Present*~

I've debated whether or not to kill myself, commit suicide and not living with the pain. But I knew that if I did, Tai would not be happy with me. He would want me to live, to go on and enjoy my life. . .

Without him.

I knew it was going to be hard, that it always is. But life goes on and I had to live. Not only for him, for Tai, but for myself as well. I smiled, remembering that he would tell me that I had a gift for music each time I played for him. That I could make it as a star.

He was right. After the accident my music became more "me" more real, I guess one could say. That I touched on things that one normally would not do. So, that was how I found a contract with an agent and a company, they heard me singing and playing a song that I wrote for Tai.

I stood up, stretching my arms over my head, as I glanced up into the twinkling night sky, sad that he wasn't here with me but happy that he was watching over me, as my guardian.

I took my guitar case and slung it over my shoulder and, still looking up into the sky, I whispered, "I love you, Tai. . .I'll never forget you."

Then with that said, I started to walk to the bus stop, on my way of becoming a new star. But I would not forget who I was, who I loved and still love, and how he had changed the better part of my life. 

Tonight was the anniversary of when we met. . .and his death. Funny how they both were on the same day, huh?

__

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.* I thought as I smiled. And Tai had shown me that by just loving me for me and showing the beauty of the world.

It only took me a minute to fall in love with him and it will take a lifetime for me to forget him. . .But in my heart I knew that I never would.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I actually cried while writing this. Go fig. My own writing makes me cry. Maybe I was just down right sad when I wrote this. . .

*a quote from Helen Kellar

Well I do hope that you enjoyed it. 

Please review! ^_^

~* Zara*~


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